My family and i went to my grandpa's house today to water the plants because he's been staying with us and we don't want his plants to die (also the pigeons). It's been four years since my grandma's passed away and the house still feels really lonely. It's as if the house died with her. My grandpa doesn't take care of the house because he's usually just sleeping around. he's also not very healthy because now he just eats fast food or can foods. While in eh house, I couldn't help but have memories of when it was warm and felt like a home. Now it just feels empty; it almost feels like an abandoned house. It's dark and smells a little like mold. It feels caged up and sad. It almost made me feel like crying, but i didn't because my family was around and i didn't want them thinking that something was wrong with me.
Also. I received an email from my best friend who is also my ex-boyfriend telling me "I don't think we should talk for awhile. i need to think..."
I think that killed my mood for the day. Although our relationship had ended, the spark hadn't ended completely until i suppose a few days ago...or is it weeks...hmm.
Anyways, it POSITIVELY ended yesterday. I think i broke his heart. he told me he was confused and i asked why. he said he thinks he loves me and i said "oh."
Then he asked me what i felt about him and i said "not the same..."
SERIOUSLY! COULD I BE MORE EVIL! UGH! i feel so confused about my feelings when it comes to him. I'm not sure whether i miss him or if i have just gotten use to having him around. We've tried being JUST FRIENDS, but it tends to turn into something....holding hands or just long hugs... it's not just friendship that's between us. I don't know where we will end up.
I would hate to lose a friend.
I would hate to lose a friend.
Anyways. I don't have that much more to say, so i think i will end this here.
Good luck to all of you out there and have a wonderful day!
YOURS TRULY,
SELENE RAMIREZ
SELENE RAMIREZ
